Monday, June 9, 2014

Chapter Four, Part Two, Numb

"Now I stand here, in this empty room all surrounded by mirrors, Mirrors of silver haze, mirrors of perpetual purity, I stand  here unclothed, hidden by black curtains, curtains, jet black hiding all secrets from the constant gaze of mirror, I am crying but tears don't come up, my tears are dried up and cries are all hollow, I shout but voice has left my vocal chords, I see someone chasing me, a predator, he is cunning full of stealth and raw cruel intentions, he predates on the souls, tears the flesh and  crumbles the bones to fish out the soul, bleeds you dry only to use your blood in a vibrant painting of mirth, I run all of a sudden clothed in red, I run through narrow lanes, I run fast and catch every breath I run hard and I don't look back as I am afraid his hypnotic calm eyes may seduce me to relish my own death, I don't want to die, not like this and I run, I stumble on a stone and I fall and I see a hand, his hand with a broad silver armlet getting hold of my right feet and drag me and I fall...."

The train screeches to a halt and I am glad that I didn't fall, I had slipped into a slumber and it was just a recurring dream, a dream I remember I had always seen since the time I could remember, may be I am too ambitious or competitive and hating losing, failing or falling, or may be the Mystery Man, The predator is someone from my past life, wow! interesting fantasies I have got, may be he was the one who was my life once and had betrayed my trust to become my death, maybe he was some tribal prince and I was his fiance and had been adulterous........

"Is the seat taken?"
I look at this man a bit pissed off, come on you don't break someone's day dreaming like that.
"Is the seat taken, Madam?" he asks again, this time more politely.
"No, its not." I say a bit sternly and look out of the window.
The man sits there quietly smiling all the while.

I stared at the window as I was not interested in any further conversation, for now I just wanted to be with me, just me.
I remembered many things I usually do this while I am silent I revise the episodes of my life quickly, I now remember last year December, I felt so dirty I felt so vile and uncouth, I was walking towards my home and my mother was standing at the balcony, she smiled and said "Welcome Home Dear, Hope you didn't have the heavy back pack troubling you? You look a bit tired, are you all right?"
I look up and say "I am all right" and open the gate to enter the home but me and my soul knew that I was far from being all right, I was feeling so, dirty that I could hardly look up in my mother's eyes, I entered into my home rushed to my room, and without saying a word jumped into the bathroom, I undressed myself and stood below the shower, tears started flowing copiously from my eyes, I held my mouth tightly with my palm lest my Mother  might hear me crying, blood drops flowed with water, clinging my thighs going down reaching my knees, traveling my shin and touching my feet to reach the bathroom floor out of the drain, I smiled, my "purity", my "chastity" flowing down the drain. I was treated like a dirt, this was a date from the hell, he  relished in taking away that thing which had hurt me the most, my innocence. I cringed when I remembered his face, his perverted mirth on taking away my.....and his licking of his fingers....I slumped to the ground placing my arms around my legs, placing my head between the knees, I cried and I cried hard, I rubbed my hands on my arm to let go of the feel of his touch I rubbed hard till they went all red and hurt me but it didn't go away. I sat their blankly staring the bathroom wall and all of a sudden something snapped inside me, I was in a continuous pain for so long, it was like someone is whipping you constantly and it hurts makes you bleed from the skin, from the flesh and then there comes a moment all of a sudden when you do not mind the pain' you feel it but get used to it, after some time you sense their is no respite from this ache so you relish the pain, you keep on relishing till finally it pains once more real hard and then it stops paining at all, now you are not used to  it, you don't  relish it, you don't feel it but you are indifferent to it as it doesn't exist and your life moves on as it should be.

My mother knocks at the washroom door, "What's taking you so long? it's winters you will catch cold."
two minutes later I open the door with a smile, "Sorry Mom."

"Will you be getting down at Gwalior?"
"Yes." this time I smile.
"Come in front of me."
I stand and do so, I understood his intentions were to save me from possible rowdies and mischief mongers who were ogling at me continuously and that's the reason he fathomed I was looking no where but at the window.....

To be Continued...

For Earlier Happenings Visit

Chapter 4 Part One

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