Friday, June 27, 2014

Being Modern in #ModernTradition

"Education is the manifestation of the greatness already present in mankind"
                                                                                            -Swami Vivekananda.

These lines were written one day on the school blackboard as the thought of the day. I saw it and I was never the same I was 12 then. 

My generation or rather our generation was different from my parents because we were standing and are still standing in the midst of a cultural evolution and we are questioning old norms. This is normal because in every society one thing that is and should be continuous is change. We upgrade everything in our life be it phones, Operating System everything is updated to adapt to the changes, similarly every tradition, every society needs to upgrade and change to adapt to the times. Every tradition when not upgraded after a certain period of time becomes evil. In this world every necessary good will one day turn into an evil and that will be the time to change it.

O Bharata, whenever there is decline of righteousness and rise of evil, I manifest Myself. 
If we go deep in the episode of "Draupadi Vastraharan" righteous men like Bhisma and Drona remain quiet why? because they were bound by the obligation to serve the throne of "Hastinapur" they were greatest men alive that time and were epitomes of righteousness and what they did was in accordance to the tradition and "Dharma" then why this "A-Dharma" of assaulting a women because had just one of them had used their common sense of standing up against the act which seemed a mockery of humanity it would have been avoided, a war would have been avoided. 
Everyone followed tradition but no one used common sense and stuck to the concept of being a slave to humanity before being a slave to a throne or a king.
What Lord Krishna did was then to infuse modernity in the steadily stagnant society, whose all goodness was rapidly expiring and turning into an evil.
Modernity actually lies in using reason, using common sense  to distinguish between right or wrong. Modernity lies in using your intellect and logically evaluating the validity of a tradition. Modernity lies in being righteous with rationality and curiosity. This sense of modernity stems from a stoic upbringing and a complete understanding of the traditions and the needs of the present day world. A person who is modern is not an extremist, she is a balanced person evaluating and analyzing every strain of thought before adopting any. Taking the best of both worlds, updating our tradition while knowing about our roots, feeling proud of our heritage. Modernity stems out of the tradition and it cannot be opposite to the tradition. Modernity is a balanced approach, an equilibrium between two extremes.

Wearing western clothes do not make you modern neither do being extremely simple. It is your state of mind and not your outer appearance. 

The strain of thought which regards as being Fashionable is hip and Modern is as shallow as the strain of thought which says if you wear traditional clothes you are all virtuous.

As a society we are far from being Modern. We are surrounded by stereotypes, prejudices. We forget to respect people's view and privacy. The "Moderns" mud sling "Traditionals" and vice versa. Ridiculing your tradition doesn't make you modern. Sticking blindly to every tradition even if they are archaic is not righteous. Being Righteous and Modern are all about balance and equilibrium. Being modern is to have a open heart and to acknowledge and respect and know about every tradition and strain of thought while having an individual stand which we do not impose upon.

Being modern is all about being educated not by degree but by soul, by spirit.

 "Aham Brahmani Asmi"
"I am God"

 Being modern is when we realize that if we want to see a better world we have to be better people and be the change we want to as it is human within whom divinity resides.

Written in Response to the Indispire topic in Indiblogger.

P.S. Thanks Gaurab for bringing a topic close to my heart.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

To Live In or Marry is the Question....

The topic "live in" v/s "marriage" firstly should be culture specific as in western countries like USA, UK, France etc. the topic is irrelevant as its a matter of individual choice, why? because they have an individualistic approach to the society over there your personal life is completely under your discretion and utterly your responsibility. Friends, Family may at the most be empathetic and may give you moral support you need, guide you but in no way will dictate your life (you want to be dictated is again your choice).

In countries like Afganisthan, UAE and other traditionally inclined country you cannot even think of live in relations because the society is completely based on social norms and does not really consider individual choice. The family, friends just do not guide you they command you and you get a protection from them in many issues.

These both being the extremes let's focus on societies like India which is evolving from being society oriented, tradition bound to individualistic society. We are culturally where USA was perhaps during The 1960's or before. So, keeping in mind the advantages of marriage:

1. Gives you an assurance that it will last forever.
2. Security, higher financial stability. As banks in India recognize Married couples and not Live in couples.
3. Societal approval (you really feel awesomely powerful when you are having an active sex life and no one even frowns but are actually at peace with the fact and consider it normal finally).
 4. If an accidental pregnancy occurs which was not in your plans, no one bothers, they are actually elated.
5. Your partner has to think a zillion times before leaving you.

The Advantages Of a Live in Relationship:
1. No bounds: you stay because you want to not because you have to.
2. Gives you a feel that how is the person to live with and saves you from the shock after marriage. (loving a person is different but living with a person is a hell of a different ball game, the initial days of marriage can break you)
3. No, pesky relatives involved.
4. No, pressure to start a family.
5. You are not married (the avenues are still open ;) )

But what if in a Marriage:

1. You or your partner fell out of love, how can you be so sure that your spouse is really yours and is mentally attached to you while being physically infront of you. You have to make efforts to not to fall out of love, it needs immense strength not all have that.
2. Security?? many men and women have died due to bad marriages because it was a crime to move out of a sore marriage.
3. Societal Approval??? or Societal nosing. The incompatibility of families feeds like a parasite on the love of the couple and it stands a risk of dying out.
4. The pressure to start a family is a hell lot of pressure.
5. If your partner even thinks once seriously of leaving you, is it really worth it of keeping the relation? Whom are you cheating? Yourself. Whom are you keeping happy? the society. The society will never be there to wipe your tears (remember as an evolving society we have taken the Bad of both the worlds. Individualistic's apathy and the disrespect for human emotions).

But What if in a Live in:
1. One of your partner is just using to have some good time and you are mentally committed and that's why you moved in. In this society if this doesn't work you will be scarred for life (especially if you are a woman you are a criminal befitting capital punishment) Men stand a chance of being slapped with a case of "Statutory Rape" (Though I believe "Marital Rape" should be strictly penalized).
2. You live in and that doesn't work out you leave that's cool but since you were not married did you put in your best effort to work it out? A sour Live in may shake you so badly that you may shy away from any other relation in the future. (Similar applied to marriage but then atleast in some cases your probability of being understood increases since you were in a so called "socially approved and stamped relationship").
3. You invest your time and love in a Live in as much as in a Marriage but when it breaks you do not have a right and the great society is there to heal your wounds with salt and pepper.
4. Insecurity may arise.
5. The perception that your partner is not married may give rise to unnecessary suspicions.

If going by my individual take its your individual choice whether you want to get Married or Live in but in both the cases your intentions should be heralded by love and not lust.

When I decided to get married at the age of 23 everyone was shocked everyone said "why so soon?" I said because when I am with him I feel like I waited for centuries for him and when I finally found him I do not want to let him go and want to grow young with him till I die." Personally I got married because my parents and his would have went in to a coma on hearing about a live in relationship so, I married. But saying that I would have been with him always even if I had live in with him. But then when I remember my moment the "Shubho Drishti" I would have missed it in a live in.

Speaking of society in the current scenario Marriage is a better option than live in any day. But I hope and pray for the situation to change to a mindset where we respect the holy Institution of marriage and also do not raise an eyebrow against people opting for Live in arrangement. A world, a nation where we respect the choice of every individual.

P.S. Thanks Garima for posting the topic, waiting for your post (eagerly)

Written in response to The INDISPIRE topic on INDIBLOGGER.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

A Childish Journey

Shall we run! roll over and jump the fence!!?
Said the boy of three with a twinkle in his face
The building is under construction
The windows still french....

Hand in hand now they go
Giggling laughing spreading innocent mischief
The girl in a pleated skirt and two pig tails hardly made
The boy in shorts all tidy ready to be spoilt
They go like the breeze, laughing,
Eyes wide open in an animated merriment.

"Don't run kids, you will fall!"
Says the old mason shaking his head
They look back and stick their tongues out
The mason's laugh fills in the bricked room.

Brother and Sister, all of three and nine
The elder sister the guide,
The younger brother the mischief.
Th boy stumbles and falls
So does the girl to match his goofiness
Together creating a clumsy harmony
Laughing while asking to keep quiet.

Hair disheveled cheeks flushed
They stand all soiled
The mother all furious,
Dad's the saviour.
"Let's run!" chirps in the girl
Being older, the better she knows the wrath.

They giggle and stumble and run again
While the proud Mother feigns anger
And the Father runs to be a child again.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Oh Great Virginity!!!

So, virginity. A long drawn topic. If you lost your virginity before marriage you are promiscuous and you are bad and unacceptable. You are not intelligent, you are not a considerate person, you are not a dignified person, you do not care for your family, you are dishonest, you are not a great friend, you are not fun to be around, in short you do not possess any positive quality if your "mythical hymen" breaks and do not bother for what reason, you were raped, you loved that guy, you were just having a good time. whatever your reasons are you are a "slut" who mind you doesn't possess a heart.

 My point humans are too complex to be judged on a single criteria of virginity and the lack of it. Just because people have slept with someone doesn't make them evil and just because a person is a virgin it doesn't guarantee the goodness in a person.

Personally I do not find anything wrong with one night stands or casual sex. It's their personal  lifestyle choice. It's their way, their action so, their responsibility and no one can tag someone as good or bad just based on only one aspect of life.If a woman is not virgin, what is the big deal? What is all the fuss about it?
She doesn't need to justify her act what were her intentions?

We should, as a society stop grouping people, stereotyping people, judging all based on conventions is never proper, humans are complex being and just because you are not a virgin doesn't change your perception of the world in general. God while virgin and Devil while lost it does not actually make sense. A woman is so many things not just a mere layer of hymen.

I am not here promoting promiscuity neither abhorring it. I am well aware of the risk of STDs associated with multiple sexual partners and keeping all this in mind let's see the soul and not discriminate one just because she is not a virgin and let's not discriminate people suffering from AIDS and other STDs. Understanding all the while it's the soul that's important not the hymen.

This Blog is a part of indispired blog for indiblogger.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

For You Father

Yes, I blog. Why? because I write. Why do I write? because I love to. It's one thing I have been sure of in my life, my life changed, my goals changed, my situations changed, my likings and dislikings changed but one thing that remained constant is my zeal to write; penning every thought down.

I was an awkwardly introvert child who had her own world of fantasies. I was always eerily mature for my age. I understood situations and never threw tantrums just to make my will be done. I was considerate, empathetic at an age when other kids threw tantrums, rolled over and did what not in a fit of so called rage. So, I was abnormal.
I knew more things than my class mates,had a good knowledge, I didn't study much in fact I don't remember consciously how did I learnt about The Nine Planets, The Stars and English Grammar. I never studied English Grammar before exams. And I was not Nerdy I was well dressed and was my teacher's pet and my friends' heart beat.

Now before taking me as a genius please hold on in fact my brother was of a similar  kind barring the writing part, (he is more into machines). It was nothing but my Parents. My Mother is an excellent teacher,she teaches you, makes you know things and all the while you think you are playing. She is a great story teller and my greatest strength.My Father, well what to say about him, he is the reason I grew empathetic and disciplined and never had thrown any tantrums. He treated us as "young adults" and never as kids. He made us accountable and answerable for our own actions.I was grilled for hours for a so called "innocent mischief"  like speaking in between, taking things from the plate in a hurry, sneezing without putting my handkerchief in front of my mouth  etc since I was three years old or a bit less. Yes, it sounds cruel but then it made a a fine specimen of a human being when I faced the world. My parents were my greatest critic,they knew one thing that I was their life but so, is every child and the world doesn't actually count how much your parents love you.
My Dad watched television with us, played with us after he returned fro the office, taught us and we never had any tutors till higher classes. He did all this with such an ease and when I am working I know how hard it is to do this. He cracked jokes with us, told us about his youth and college days and every single day atleast for once he mentioned his Dad, who had died even before my Dad got married.

He didn't raise me as his son. No, he raised both of us , me and my brother as humans. He was the one who dreamt of me becoming an engineer but actually was beaming with joy when I cracked through the merit list of B.A. (English Honours). He guided us and never made us choose his choice or live his dreams.

He was the one who instilled in me the idea of expressing through pen. People call me "Miss Encyclopedia" "Miss English" but this is all due to person who woke up at 3 am in the morning to teach me, then spent 12 hours in the Factory as an Engineer at work, came back played with me for an hour, taught me till 12 am and then went to sleep and this was his life during my examination time. I slept in the afternoon but he didn't. I wonder how!!

Today seven years have passed I have not heard his voice, I have not seen him. Seven years he has not responded to when I call "Babai". Seven years...a lot of things have happened, I don't know if he knows it or not but all I wanted to say to him the last time he called was "I know you will be there for me, don't have to say me that." and I still believe that and I wish my last day at work should be my last day in life.... just like you.

Dedicated to My Father Mr. Dipankar Ghosh
also my Guardian Angel from 11th June 2007.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Chapter Four, Part Two, Numb

"Now I stand here, in this empty room all surrounded by mirrors, Mirrors of silver haze, mirrors of perpetual purity, I stand  here unclothed, hidden by black curtains, curtains, jet black hiding all secrets from the constant gaze of mirror, I am crying but tears don't come up, my tears are dried up and cries are all hollow, I shout but voice has left my vocal chords, I see someone chasing me, a predator, he is cunning full of stealth and raw cruel intentions, he predates on the souls, tears the flesh and  crumbles the bones to fish out the soul, bleeds you dry only to use your blood in a vibrant painting of mirth, I run all of a sudden clothed in red, I run through narrow lanes, I run fast and catch every breath I run hard and I don't look back as I am afraid his hypnotic calm eyes may seduce me to relish my own death, I don't want to die, not like this and I run, I stumble on a stone and I fall and I see a hand, his hand with a broad silver armlet getting hold of my right feet and drag me and I fall...."

The train screeches to a halt and I am glad that I didn't fall, I had slipped into a slumber and it was just a recurring dream, a dream I remember I had always seen since the time I could remember, may be I am too ambitious or competitive and hating losing, failing or falling, or may be the Mystery Man, The predator is someone from my past life, wow! interesting fantasies I have got, may be he was the one who was my life once and had betrayed my trust to become my death, maybe he was some tribal prince and I was his fiance and had been adulterous........

"Is the seat taken?"
I look at this man a bit pissed off, come on you don't break someone's day dreaming like that.
"Is the seat taken, Madam?" he asks again, this time more politely.
"No, its not." I say a bit sternly and look out of the window.
The man sits there quietly smiling all the while.

I stared at the window as I was not interested in any further conversation, for now I just wanted to be with me, just me.
I remembered many things I usually do this while I am silent I revise the episodes of my life quickly, I now remember last year December, I felt so dirty I felt so vile and uncouth, I was walking towards my home and my mother was standing at the balcony, she smiled and said "Welcome Home Dear, Hope you didn't have the heavy back pack troubling you? You look a bit tired, are you all right?"
I look up and say "I am all right" and open the gate to enter the home but me and my soul knew that I was far from being all right, I was feeling so, dirty that I could hardly look up in my mother's eyes, I entered into my home rushed to my room, and without saying a word jumped into the bathroom, I undressed myself and stood below the shower, tears started flowing copiously from my eyes, I held my mouth tightly with my palm lest my Mother  might hear me crying, blood drops flowed with water, clinging my thighs going down reaching my knees, traveling my shin and touching my feet to reach the bathroom floor out of the drain, I smiled, my "purity", my "chastity" flowing down the drain. I was treated like a dirt, this was a date from the hell, he  relished in taking away that thing which had hurt me the most, my innocence. I cringed when I remembered his face, his perverted mirth on taking away my.....and his licking of his fingers....I slumped to the ground placing my arms around my legs, placing my head between the knees, I cried and I cried hard, I rubbed my hands on my arm to let go of the feel of his touch I rubbed hard till they went all red and hurt me but it didn't go away. I sat their blankly staring the bathroom wall and all of a sudden something snapped inside me, I was in a continuous pain for so long, it was like someone is whipping you constantly and it hurts makes you bleed from the skin, from the flesh and then there comes a moment all of a sudden when you do not mind the pain' you feel it but get used to it, after some time you sense their is no respite from this ache so you relish the pain, you keep on relishing till finally it pains once more real hard and then it stops paining at all, now you are not used to  it, you don't  relish it, you don't feel it but you are indifferent to it as it doesn't exist and your life moves on as it should be.

My mother knocks at the washroom door, "What's taking you so long? it's winters you will catch cold."
two minutes later I open the door with a smile, "Sorry Mom."

"Will you be getting down at Gwalior?"
"Yes." this time I smile.
"Come in front of me."
I stand and do so, I understood his intentions were to save me from possible rowdies and mischief mongers who were ogling at me continuously and that's the reason he fathomed I was looking no where but at the window.....

To be Continued...

For Earlier Happenings Visit

Chapter 4 Part One