Wednesday, July 30, 2014

The Silent Secret

“I have not seen you for quite a while and can’t recollect your face.” She said earnestly.  She had a peculiar tendency of forgetting people’s face while remembering their names.
“Don’t bother. I remember you, your face.” He said as a matter of fact.
“You have learnt how to talk smooth, haven’t you?” she said giggling.
“No, your face has been the one which remained with me always. It haunted me everywhere I went to run away from my demons. It was the only thing that brought me back home because I knew my home is in the city you lived. I returned every night and fell asleep hoping to see you the next day. These went on for years. I didn’t even know you moved out of the city. I didn’t fall into bad company because I thought I might lose you. I never got near any intoxication because I was afraid that it would make your memory in my soul blur. I kept on fighting the demons within me hoping that the next time you saw me you found me the same. I failed sometimes and I won sometimes but I refused to kill the old me, the innocent me completely because I had always known that one day I will face you. I was strangely afraid of you, your righteousness. I wanted to erase my memories from everyone’s life but I didn’t because I hoped you will come. I fell in love again but it never changed what I felt for you. I am falling in love with you always; I am in love with you now. I do not want to possess you. I already have you deep in me. You are the epitome of a woman for me. A portrait of a woman…”
“But I was a girl then….I don’t love you but still love you…” She cut him short as she didn’t want to hear what she knew already. She heaved a sigh of relief feeling that all these years she was right and a sigh of disappointment that she didn’t have the confidence to wait.
She remembered the time they shared a common space together silently, two decades back. They never spoke or even tried to communicate like other teenagers. They knew each other well from the first day. Each other’s mirror reflection. Their mutual silence spoke. They had never talked so much to each other as they talked now but they didn’t feel awkward. It was as if they had always talked and known each other thoroughly.
It had been two decades and every time she struggled with her confidence and self esteem. She remembered him. He was the one who appreciated her work, appreciated her and acknowledged her when no one did. Every seminar in the college, every interview she faced she thought of him.
“If he has approved then others will. If they don’t approve at least he will.”
She didn’t wait for him as she never completely fell in love with him.
And now as they sat face to face in a Café, discussing the marketing strategy of their upcoming venture, they took this break to discuss things long pending to be told and never talked of. She had just retired after a bright career spanning seventeen years from twenty to thirty seven. She was married happily and was a proud mother. He was an entrepreneur who never stopped; juggling life between family (wife and kids) and dreams. They both had it all except themselves. But did they need each other as lovers?
Incomplete Love stories are a myth. They do not destroy your life. They motivate you to reach higher. Love can never be incomplete. If it’s incomplete then it is not love. Life Partners in life can be your Mother, Brother, Best Friend all those who share life with you.  Love can never destroy. If you are killing yourself for it think again is it love?
“I thought I will not live till twenty five the way I was going. You know what I mean. Thanks for being the silent secret of my life. Thanks for being there as a friend through all these years; invisibly motivating me through thick and thin.” She said holding his hand and squeezing it softly with eyes filled with tears of gratitude.
“Thanks, the feeling is mutual.” He said sipping in the coffee
They sat silently for a while.
“Hey where is my treat? I need my fees for motivation.” He spoke playfully breaking in the silent.
“Get Lost!” she said with a giggle and beaming eyes while hitting his head lightly with the magazine she was reading.
They resumed talking and gossiping as they had never stopped…
Friends forever……..

Monday, July 28, 2014


As I walked along the stadium boundary, I increased my speed many folds.No, not because I was followed but because it was a natural impulse. All of fifteen yet eight years in the constant shadow of eve teasing, groping, molestation makes you instinctive and alert like a deer in the forest.

All of a sudden I hear a voice, "tssk tssk" I speed up frantically and in moments, a boy hardly of 16 or 17 comes in grabs my hand and says "Come with me."

"No!" I shout back and try to bite him. He slaps me but I somehow manage to free myself but he grabs me from the back

"Kick them hard on the balls." 

I remembered what my father said to me but he is facing my back so, how can I. I struggle vehemently making sure I don't shout because I knew shouting may turn this into a group thing and a lone person is easier to fight than the group.

As I struggled my life flashed past me. "The Topper Me", "The House Vice Captain Me","The Good Daughter Me", "The Responsible Elder Sister Me.", "The Writer Me.", "The Ambitious Me.", "The Hopelessly Romantic Me." all flashed past me and I thought all will end. Was my life all these to come to an end like this? Am I nothing but a stranger's object of perverted lust? Will my first touch by the opposite sex be that of a horror?. Funnily I didn't know how intercourse is but I knew Rape was something which can even kill you.

As I was counting my breathes thinking it to be my last few I thought that let him turn me and then I will kick him but then he left me and I saw that the reason for his sudden kindness was a car that passed by, I ran hard and reached to a place where there were people and soon faced another eve teasing.

I confided in my best friend who was a girl as I could not disclose it to my parents as they had hands full with their own problem. What she did was amazing. She spread it across like a wild fire. i was taunted and teased in hushed voices just because I was a quiet child my emotions were not counted in.

It made me very angry.

A few days later while traveling by a Tempo (Ford Tempo in Public Transport Form) I was groped as usual by someone aged 20 to 22. I kept quiet and tried to angle myself to safety. All of a sudden a boy from the tution of my age riding a bike (in small towns legal age of driving a bike is not an issue) offered me a lift and i gladly took it. On sitting on his bike the first thought struck me was, "Oh My God! What have i done?" this boy had a crush on me and used to gaze me all day long in the classes. I became petrified remembering the incident a few days back. The way I was treated and the insults afterwards had shattered my confidence. it had robbed me of my childhood and adolescence. All the while he was talking sweet nothings and was having a time of his life (We didn't had social networking so, the adolescent love had its innocence) and i was having a harrowing time with in me that he would.....

But he didn't. He left me to my destination and the next time we talked properly was ten years after.

My anger subsided after this.

I noted a few things:
1. The person who assaulted me was from the unprivileged section of the society: He lacked education, had to see the harsher part of the life and was aggressive and brutal. He was so, used to be treated like an animal that he became an animal. If he is a criminal in the making whose fault is it? His or the society? The Government? who runs on Vote bank and educating him is a tough process so, create flashy schemes to lure them.

2. The people who mocked me came from good families.The school where I studied was one of the top schools in the city. It has produced bright professionals. But why did they lack empathy? Is it their fault or the fault of the education they received? Do we need to make our children a better humans first and then successful people?

3. I hid the fact. My thought process was its a big stigma, I might be framed as someone with lose morals. My self confidence hit the lowest abyss. As parents are we giving our daughters the confidence they need to have in us? We educate our children so that we have faith in them but do they have faith in us?

4. The bike boy: Well, he was someone who was a Juvenile technically and mentally. Compare him with the Stadium boy. He was more privileged, more educated, rightly educated than the Stadium Boy.This brought in a change in mentality.

I am not talking about what is to be done with the Juveniles who commit heinous crimes. My objective here is to raise some points that how these can be avoided because on the day of the incident

I thought If I had died will hanging the boy bring me back to life? 
No. It will be justice delivered.

Will it stop all the crimes of the same fashion? 
No, People will commit crimes.


So, how to uproot this permanently?
 Evolve into a better informed and empathetic society.

How much time will it take? 
Many years.

Which government will do that?
We will do that because Government is BY THE PEOPLE, OF THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE
So, we are the only power who will stay forever the rest will come and go in five years.

It's our Country, Our People, Our Children.

Weather the victims and criminals both are our children. So, its our responsibility to correct them before their souls are lost. Weather a murderer or the victim both the souls are lost forever.



Friday, July 25, 2014

These Juvenile Criminals....

Juvenille :


Latin iuvenilis, from iuvenis (young)

juvenile (Comparative; more juvenile, Superlative Most juvenile)

  1. young; not fully developed
  2. characteristic of youth or immaturity; childish
juvenile (plural juveniles)
  1. a prepubescent child
  2. a person not legally of age, or who is younger than may be charged with an offence
  3. an animal that is not sexually mature
  4. an actor playing a child's role.
Source Wikitionary

From the above definition We understand Juvenile is a young child, Prepubescent child, not sexually mature.So if a person is prepubescent how he can rape (sadly in India only penile insertion is considered as rape). Reversely if a person is raping then he is sexually mature and so how can he be technically a juvenille.

The argument against this will be just because he is sexually mature doesn't tell that he can't be a child from the brain. So, my point is a person who commits such an act of violence can never be a child from the brain. (Please see  that I consider rape to be an act of violence and not of sex. A juvenile engaging into consensual sex is his or her personal choice but rape is a crime.)

A Juvenile can commit a murder but then the murder can be an act of self defense so, saving his soul and innocence becomes the duty of law. Rape cannot be committed as an act of Self Defence so, the focus of the law should be Justice for the Victim and Punishment for the Convict (after the charges are proved).

The Juvenile Justice act has been last amended in the year 2011 and is under review now. The act describes the age of the juvenile between 10 to 18 years and this bracket was given in 1850. it is to be noted that the average of puberty during those times was 18 and now kids aged 10 to 13 are hitting puberty. So, keeping this in mind has the age limit decreased? NO. Many countries have amended the age but India is still to do that.

The First step will be to Analyze scientifically and socially and bring down the age of Juvenile. Do this because it is the need of the hour not because it is the need of the Activists and the Vote Bank. Be proactive and not reactive. Form a committee of eminent Anthropologists, Scientists,  Doctors, Social Psychologists, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Ex Civil Servants and Judiciary to sit and analyze every bit of our constitution and its relevance in our times and bring the necessary changes in it. Follow the procedure every decade. 

Now coming to the "Capital Punishment".

To begin with I supported it. My logic was A person who kills a person deserves to die. But then the Delhi Rape case shook me, The Nithari Case and a surge of these brutality shook me and I thought do they deserve to just die for the barbaric activity they have done? Won't they have to bear the pain, the trauma they caused to the Victim and the family. Just the Noose. A few seconds and end of the pain? No, this was not right. They need to live and spend their whole life in the jail. They will wake up every single day and see their life passing by, like a complete waste. They will repent every moment, die every moment for what they have done. Death will make the punishment too easy an affair. let them live, repent and remorse.

Their souls can't be saved. They are doomed. Raping a woman inserting rod in her private parts, yanking out her internal organs....did a human with a soul do that? Raping little children, raping their corpse, boiling their flesh....did a human with a soul do this? 


They don't deserve forgiveness they deserve punishment. They need to be punished only because they can be an example to the society and act as a deterrent.

I might be sounding too radical but just think of the innocent lives brutally cut short. Their families destroyed? 

A knee jerk reaction by the government of sending the convicts to the gallows won't help. What we need is a government who works beyond vote banks to the general moral upliftment of the society.

Stop making a commodity of a woman.

"main toh tandoori murgi hu yaar gatkale saiyan alcohol se"

The person who wrote, sung,danced on this song are literate belong to a niche class. They should show a bit of responsibility.Just because it sells you do not sell it. A Juvenile mind lacking education and maturity receives this things differently. 

Instead of hanging Juveniles educate them with the right knowledge before all is lost. Make sex education compulsory. People with the power to reach the masses please be a bit more responsible. Don't say "Young Blood can commit mistakes". Don't raise your girls like boys but raise your boys like you will raise your girls. Put a tab on the activities of the teens. Any act of unwarranted aggression should be tapped. Every child should be given proper counseling by a psychologist. It's not a bad thing to visit a psychologist. You are not crazy if you go to a psychologist. I have also been counseled for some behavioral problem as a teenager and that helped me to grow as a balanced human.

The times are changing. Things are more complex than they ever were. So, we better be proactive before our own children end up facing the Gallows. 


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Clipped Wings??

Will you be flying Honey?
No you won't be flying honey.
Why said I? Oh Why said I?
Can't you see it from your eye?
Your wings are meticulously clipped
Just to avoid your being slipped.
Your bound not to sore high
So, should I sit back with a sigh
No, fly but not tither.
Make sure this path here
Is the one chosen for thou.
But I can't fly can only crawl slow

I don't want to crawl, no, never
I just hope myself to be my saver
And I fly with my clipped wings
Let the world shout, let them sing
The old cacophony of the norms
I am not going to bargain soul for a form.

I am not striving the road supposed to be taken
And my faith in myself won't be shaken
Nay the storms come and shake me hard
Let the adversities be my miseries' bard
Let the world be angry and let it diffuse
While I will be worshiping my muse.

It will pain and doubts will rule the road
But never will my dreams be sung an ode
I am and so, I dream
Without it I cease to exist
So, while breaking in free verse
I let my dreams fly high
As my destiny is nothing but my right
I go and go and strive harder
Yes, this love costs
But not living the dream costs harder.
There is no shackle otherthan self  adorned
We are our own limitations
We are our own limits....
We are our own Freedom...

Friday, July 18, 2014

Dreams And Aspirations

What do you think your life is? What you are now or what do you feel it to be?

As I wrote this lines for one of my stories, I smiled. I smiled because my life and it's choices came in front of me.

I was born to an Engineer father. My father was a Chemical Engineer not because he had to but because he wanted to. He was good in what he did. He loved his job. I started of as a topper and so obviously a middle class family's dreams would see me as an Engineer or Doctor. As I grew up in Gwalior I invariably saw all my seniors jumping in to become an Engineer or Doctor. But I never saw myself becoming one. My father took care of my choice he spoon fed me these lines.

                                               "I want to become an IT Engineer"

Funny I didn't understand what "Information Technology was. I as a kid wanted to become a teacher. I grew up and wanted to become an Archaeologist, a Geologist, a wildlife photographer or explorer. Every time I made my wish verbal I was made fun off. These were non practical choices but somewhere my mother understood I just didn't want to be an engineer. Unluckily all my dreams came to a halt when I scored well in Science and Maths in Class Ten. I was pushed into Science (Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, Computer Science, English). Those two years were nightmare for me. I lost all my confidence in myself. I became unbearably introvert, I hid myself in a cocoon. In class twelve my Mother convinced my father to let me have Psychology instead of Computers. I was elated but my father was disappointed.Everyday passed like a living hell and this was the time I took up writing seriously (I am writing since I was ten). I was discouraged but kept on writing as I felt it is my only sanctuary. The class twelve results were not up to the mark and somehow my father was convinced that engineering was not for me. He was disheartened but said yes to my pursuing English Honours.

"Your career is finished now make the most of what is left."

These words from my father while filling application for B.A. still haunts me and motivates me some how. I was happy that I got what I loved "Literature" I did well and regained my confidence. my Dad was now proud of me as he understood this is what I was meant for.

"You are doing good, actually great."

I wanted to do a Phd. in English Literature. I wanted to write, be a journalist may be or wanted to be in civil services. I was living my dream, my life but then one fine day just a day after my graduation results were out I heard these words.

"Your Father is no more."

I grew thirty years in a single go that day. Now life was not about dreams and aspirations it was about survival. So, I locked my dreams and started working in the first organization I got an offer. I didn't care about the job profile. I didn't care for my dreams.

But dreams never die. My dreams lived all this. I have seen nothing there are people who have faced hell but they still smile and still dream. So, dreams never die. Aspirations will fly, maybe a bit late but they will. We just have to believe in them as if our life depended on it.

Signing off hoping that our Dreams live more than we live. So, that they become our soul.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

In the Midst of All Chapter 5 Part One The Ticket.

The door bell rang, bringing Vaidehi out of her noon siesta. It was winters and she dozed off while reading a newspaper in the balcony. She first thought that it was Siddhartha. He had went to the Market to run some Holiday errands with their son.

She stood up slowly, her spinal chord a bit stiff. It was like that since the birth of her youngest son but the pain was bearable if one thought of what would have happened that day. God was merciful on them. Everything went of well twelve years back and she believed everything will go well from then onwards. Her belief was firm and unshaken. Any disturbance in the way life is today will spell doom for her. She was happy now. She was contended. She wanted to be that way. Vaidehi loved stability. She loved being sure of things even before they happened.

As she opened the door, she was surprised. She saw her daughter, Devyani, beaming from ear to ear. She looked serene, with her calm eyes, beaming smile (just like Siddhartha). Clad casually in a blue worn out jeans and casual ill fitting white shirt with a back pack on her back, Devyani, her child, her first born. Devyani's presence always assured Vaidehi that everything was all right. She was calm, stable and not like other teenagers she used to see. She always had been "The Good Child", "The Good Daughter" who had a transparent face and was as innocent as that mountain spring. Her existance assured Vaidehi every time that everything will be as good as it is now. Only if she had known the turbulence in the midst of all this calm. But it is not to be known.

"You were supposed to come a fortnight after." said Vaidehi with a motherly smile.

"Ask your husband, he told me to come." said Vaidehi with child like playfulness entering in the home.

"You have grown very naughty."

"Yes, I know." said Devyani as she placed the bag in her room.

"Now what do you want from the fridge?"

"I am hungry, Ma. Is there something to eat?"

"Wait, lunch is ready."

"All right, will have it when Dad comes. Where is Abhi?"

"Gone with your Dad."

"All right."

"Where are you coming from?"

"Agra, why are you asking?"

"Nothing, just like that. Where are you going?"

"To take a bath."

"You didn't bathe while coming here?"

"Yes, but I feel like to have it once again."

As Devyani entered for a bath she thought of Mrinal. She knew he was falling for her. His eyes told her this and this made her uncomfortable to the core. She didn't want to be loved. She just wanted to be "used and thrown" time and again till the time his words, Arghya's words dissolved in her unconscious. Till the time she felt like she had punished herself enough for her innocence. Till the time her love......

She again started to feel the heat building up under her skin. Every single pore of her skin was set on fire. She was burning. She rubbed her palms against her palm, her stomach but it burnt more. She pursed her lips in pain and tightly closed her eyes holding her pain. When all of a sudden she remembered something. A voice, she heard this morning played in her brain.

"This bag is too heavy, can I hold it for you?" said the stranger in the train who sat across her as she started walking towards the exit gate at Gwalior Railway station. He was smiling pleasantly and that made her smile back.

"No, Thanks."

"Are you sure? By the way I would love to see you tumble down with this load."

On this she laughed aloud.

She opened her eyes. The shower water was falling on her. The pain had gone. The memory of that voice somewhere soothed her.

She dried herself, dressed hurriedly and came out of the shower. Jumping and Bumping into things she took her bag, sat eagerly drawing the bag to her lap and frantically fished out for the ticket. She searched and searched but couldn't find it. She took out all her clothes one after another and finally she found the ticket, snugly sitting at the bottom of the bag. She took it, it was crumbled. She opened it in a haste and at the back of the ticket she found a number. She took her note diary and a pen and quickly copied the number, tore the ticket and let out a sigh of relief.

"I am going to call him" she said with a feeble smile.

To be continued.......

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Humanity's Religion

"These are modern times, these are hard times"...quoted my Professor while teaching us Charles Dickens "Hard Times"

Funnily these lines are universal, times are always hard.

When humanity began, the world was not globalized, we were not connected. People in Europe didn't know people in China, People in India didn't know people in The Americas. We were living in an Universe called earth where we looked into the horizon and wondered is life beyond that horizon? In the same way the Astronauts today look at the stars and wonder "Is life there beyond Earth?"

We all evolved separately, we had our different civilizations, we all had our different cultures. we all had our different belief and religion. But what binds us as one is we all had a Civilization, Culture, Belief,  Religion, though different but we had a belief and religion.

So what made humans look above and pray to some one, whom we have never seen. What made humans think that there is someone more powerful than us and is watching us.

When humans came in together to form a social dwelling they had done so because of the need to stay together. We were living like a herd and not a society. But what nature took away from us in physical strength, it gave us back in Intelligence. So, we started wondering at things which were beyond our reach.

Why does it rain?
Why do we die?
Why do Volcanoes erupt?
Why do disasters happen?

But human brain doesn't stop at wondering, they question and do not rest until they find a solution. Science was not developed, people were in nature so, they came up with a common answer.

"There is someone who is more powerful than us who makes this thing happen?"
"Where is that someone?"
"Must be above in the sky because that someone can see everything from there."
"How should we tell him to make it rain when we want, not to kill us or not to cause disasters?"
"We should offer him some favours so that he returns our favour." (Barter system was prevalent  then so this concept of exchange of goods came up)
"But where to make these offerings?"
"We will make a place where that some one can come and stay, like a portal from heaven to the earth.?"

Thus the first seeds of religion were sown, it was our defense mechanism for every thing beyond our reach because humans are great control freaks, and by worshiping the "Supreme Being" they felt more assured and when something went wrong they had something to fall back upon.

It slowly came up that this "Guardian" judges our actions and the fear of the "Guardian's" wrath led us to do the right thing.

How did this thing happen?

There were some people who thought humans are basically bad and the society need people who follow rules (good people). So, how to convert Basically Bad into Fundamentally Good. They came up with a simple yet effective formula:

"Basically Bad + Fear of God/ Religion= Fundamentally Good."

God came as a "Guardian" and Religion was the rule book His or Her Command.

All was  well till the cultures did not clash. Beliefs did not clash. As Civilizations formed cultures mingled and Now Europe knew India, India Knew Egypt, Egypt knew China, China Knew Mesopotamia, in short everyone knew everyone. The concepts and beliefs traveled and it was mostly harmonious but then as time elapsed population grew, challenges grew, diseases grew, death grew and people more vehemently stuck to the religion as their last resort. They became agressive and religion became a clan identity.

"Either you follow what we follow or go to hell, die."

This dangerous thought came into the vein of people as the society moved from the hands of Scholars to Fighters. The religion earlier used to construct a society had now transformed as an excuse to invade people who have different set of beliefs. Religion was now used as a mask for humans greed. Humans always need a Defence Mechanism to justify their deeds and religion was a ready Defence Mechanism.

Religion is as overrated as humanity is, Religion is as overrated as human passions are.

The God we created was a part of the Social Memory of some Righteous men the society saw in early days.

The Religion we made was very much human and not a God. Like a human it has it's flaws, it changes and it needs to be corrected from time to time.

As always use your brains before jumping blindly for your belief, your religion.

Because our intelligence is only one thing that nature has given us to our advantage.

Saying that religion cannot be abolished because though we have answers to these:

Why does it rain?
Why do we die?
Why do Volcanoes erupt?
Why do disasters happen?

We need some thing to fall back on, to look up to when all hope is lost.

Signing off with these lines

"What though the field be lost?
All is not lost; th' unconquerable will,

And study of revenge, immortal hate,
And courage never to submit or yield. "
                                             - John Milton, Paradise Lost
(Satan says this after falling from the heaven in the moment of despair when all  is lost even the grace of the God he worshiped he makes  "unconquerable will,And study of revenge, immortal hate,And courage never to submit or yield" his religion.

You can take away the religion of a person but you will see that person again forms a new religion to survive. Old religion is replaced by new there is never a vaccum left. The only option is mutual respect.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Chapter Four Part Three Inception

Waiting at that hospital bed beside the window, a thousand thoughts ran across Vaidehi's mind. Her entire life flashed pass by her. She saw herself as a small lanky girl of four running bare foot in a white cotton frock that one of her elder brothers had stitched for her, her pig tail loosening its grip with every single step, behind her was her youngest elder brother five years her senior, tall, a boy of nine was running fast. They had plucked some unripe guavas from the "Old Woman's Guava Tree". This was forbidden and doing forbidden things always gives a sense of mirth and pleasure. She saw her mother lying in her death bed, she was eight then sitting quietly in the lap of her eldest brother, twenty years her senior. Her mother recovered within a month after that but by then she had an innocence which reeked of maturity and calm. She remembered how Manu, the youngest elder brother used to fight with her for studying on that side of the lamp where there is no shadow and how their mother used to throw them out of the house and then they came together to hatch in a plan to get into the house. She remembered the time when she was eleven and Manu died and how she still dreams of him occasionally. She remembered meeting her husband, Siddharth for the first time, She remembered her school days, college days. Thoughts came randomly and vanished. She stared blankly at the window thinking all these. She lost track of the time when all of a sudden she felt a soft tug at her Saree. She saw beside her, it was her daughter, her first  born, just a few hours old but she was able to recognize her, she knew her smell, her touch. Vaidehi touched her soft head and kissed her forehead softly. She was her bundle of joy, the part of her and Siddharth. The one who completed the family that she and Siddharth started building bit by bit five years ago. She was sleeping silently now and her peace gave her peace, "You are my peace, never be turbulent or I might break." said Vaidehi touching her soft hands.

Vaidehi looked at the wall clock it was almost nine o'clock in the morning. Siddjarth had visited her the night before and had saw her in a bit of pain. He promised her to come by six in the next morning and he is never late. She was a little worried and a little disturbed at this unwarranted late. She was continuously looking through the window which overlooked the window to see as if he is coming or not but all in vain. It was nine thirty by now and she was getting a bit more disturbed. When all of a sudden Siddharth marched into the room with a beaming smile and tear filled eyes. All of Vaidehi's anger evaporated.

"I am sorry...... I am late.....I know have been waiting but....... Mother won't let me go without breakfast. I was rushing.....the doctor.....told me.....told me.....that...." He said panting at first then words escaped him as he saw her, his child, his daughter, his pride, she looked like a small fairy...sparkling eyes, prominent nose, a bit longer than the average new borns, all cozy in the white warm blanket.

He lifted her and cradled her in her arms, tear started flowing from his eyes copiously as he looked from her to Vaidehi.

"I know Devyani....the name you always thought of." said  Vaidehi as Siddharth could no longer speak.

They had many discussions about it even before Vaidehi's pregnancy.

"The chariot of Gods, Devyani. Divinity, strength, direction all together you see Devyani we will have a perfect daughter." Siddharth used to say often.

"And what if we have a boy, think of some name for him too, in never know." said Vaidehi lightly

"No, It won't be."

And now, she was there in his lap looking at him with wonder, trying to imprint this face into her memory...her first glimpses of humanity, these two faces were her only evidence of a human face, her initial imprint on her blank slate of a memory..........

It was fine for them as of now and calm they were at peace as of now and so Devyani slept in her father's arm feeling secured, as of now, the dice of destiny had rolled and it would have rolled further but till then Devyani slept peacfully and Vaidehi had found her peace in Devyani.

To be Continued....

Friday, July 4, 2014

Together Forever....

"Can we go there?"asked she, as if pleading replete with child like innocence.

"No, we cannot..." he said with a smile, just being contended that his scarred maturity had finally met this clear spring of thoughts.

"Why not? look it's so beautiful, we will watch the sunrise and sit quietly.." she said while tugging to her hand and trying him to move into that direction.

"Because you are clumsy on plain roads and you might fall on this rough terrain with a cycle." He said still calm while steadily holding onto his cycle.

"I find roads unnatural. NATURAL" She said aloud pointing at the mud trail.


"All right, stay here, I am going." She said sulking and climbed her cycle and rode by.

"This Girl!" he said exasperated as he climbed the cycle and followed her.

The road was a mud trail, their destiny was a small hillock, The road went past a small agrarian village, it was dawn. The sun was yet to rise but it was already clear. They were speeding by in their cycles lest they might miss out on sunrise.

One could feel the morning dew in the grass and taste the morning breeze hitting their face. The peacocks rose early and were calling. As they passed they saw a peacock flying from one tree to another, long tailed, shimmering blue and green, just out of a dream they fly.

The trail had it's bumps and now they reached the hillock. They climbed as far they could cycling and then they walked the rest of the uphill.

As he walked, he looked at her and thought about her, the innocence of her soul was reflected on her body, pristine, that is what she was. He was scarred, broken betrayed, he was never taken care of. He was not sad, he was not brooding. He was working his hearts out. He was Thirty, he had a family at home but still he waited for her, that face, her face haunted her...

She was baby faced assassin, her flawless frame hid her scarred soul. She never was a child, she never was a teenager. She hid her scars, retained her innocence and smiled. She loved and was loved but wanted to belong, she had no friends, she didn't want any. She was a smiling recluse who just saw things understood them but never spoke. But her spirit was undying. She was Seventeen, had a life with all it's passion and shades but still she waited form him, created a face out of many to remember that face, his face...this face she didn't want to forget.

As he walked into the room she vanished, her smile vanished. He sat in his desk in the office, working as efficiently as one could. The road, the hillock, the river all vanished. He had seen her once passing in a crowded Railway Terminus and waited for her, thought about her, confident that in her lies his peace, his turbulence, his life. He didn't know when and how will he see her again. Whether she will ever know that he exists in this universe. Will her face ever have a name to go with it for him but he did not mind, he did not search for her. He just waited while not waiting at all.

As she sat their on the hillock, her brother came from the back and startled her and she feigned being scared, his face vanished again, the conversation she was having now was a scent in the air. She had seen him once in the Railway Terminus. The way he looked assured her that someone was there. No, she didn't wait. She kept on falling in love over and over again.

Miles apart yet communicating while they lived in the world where they were present but not involved......some love stories never end because they do not start......