So, Its another city for me.A new place to wonder about and live with the forced spinsterhood that I got for myself. It's a hot month and everything around here is quite lethargic. I am sitting here, under the shade of the tree. There are ideas that come into my mind, flashes of scenes from life come and pass by. I have my life and the life of others to dissect and serve in the platter of wrirting. That is what I do while you are pouring your heart out, I am seeking inspiration; merging my life with your lives and at times creating an alternative version of reality for you. My sense of reality might be distorted and I might not be living at all in this dimension. It is probable that what this world sees is an impression that I have kept, to fool others. the problem is I am too attached to it and now fooling myself. I may sound narcissistic, but somewhere I am so much in love with myself that it might not be a false accusation.
Let us think it this way, what is wrong in being narcissistic. We live in a fast-paced world and here no one has time for others. So, what about giving time to yourself. I have fallen in and out of love for many years now (let us say I started early.) I have, at times half-fallen in love and at times just being numb. Whatever, it was, after a certain time, I came back to loving myself.
Being in love with oneself has its perks. The first is that you can never go infidel. The relationship is simple and there will be no issues of commitment phobia. You want to possess someone about whom there are no secrets. After four and half years of a wonderful marriage that goes strong by the day, I know just one thing. When you are in a relationship with someone other, there are bound to be secret. I at times wonder what he is thinking. It is almost an obsession to get into his brain and explore what is within the silence. When I am in a relationship with myself, there is no secret, there is no obsession. It just sets you free.
I may sound like a loser, to be so obsessed with myself but I am not. Its just that i am in love with myself before being in love with others. If this world is truly another realm and if my life here is a planted image of mine then loving this image, enables me to love everyone around me. Understanding myself to the core helps me to calm down and be a better person to others. the peak of self-love shows a peak in other relationships that I enjoy. Sigining of today with my Delhi Diaries...See you soon.