Thursday, April 17, 2014

In The Midst of All Chapter One Part-Three Spring





 This is the fifth edition, For Previous happenings in the series






Spring

As I walk now, I see a myriad of faces, talking, laughing, bargaining, the season is ripe the winters are over and I can smell spring ushering its own way, The bazaar is as colourful as it should be, oranges, raspberries, apples and a tint of pear and peaches with strawberries in a little corner, cabbages, carrots all water sprinkled, and the chat wallah vending out the aroma of the season, It’s the season of  "Basant" over here, It’s the season of celebration, of bright hued colours of red, yellow, orange, blue and green are more colourful and vibrant than ever, their flamboyance has turned the sky golden pink, it’s the season to be happy, it’s a season to love………….to lose and to gain…………..and to wait………….wait for the moments which I know will never come but then I just want to be happy in the make belief that it will come and wait for them……………..search amongst these faces the face I have so longed to see that its now always with me…………… I am happy that I had my moments and this one thing no one can ever take away from me as they are preserved in my heart…….embedded in the deep recesses of my soul…………… I seek out faces create a collage to make out one face I seek out colours and seek out that one colour that has coloured me forever……..that has made my blood bleed in different hues but red……………..I have been a seeker and all my life I don’t seek life but moments in life…………as I don’t live a life…………I live those moments in life………again and again till they become me and I lose my existence in them………
As I float by these scenes I remember a day in summer which brought spring in my life…………short lived but it was spring…………..


(Image Courtesy Mrs. Basanti Ghosh (Maa)

15th May 2002: “You see I look at you in five ways as a friend, a mother, as an elder sister, a younger sister and………………….well my lover”

These last words sent shiver down my spine and make me go all cold in a hot summer day- here is this person who has been my friend since I was six and my every single strain of romantic emotion started and ended with him……….his name brought in pleasure to my life “Arghya”-the water which cleanses brought in my life a hope which had in it purity undefined…..his eyes took me to a state of trance where I lost myself only to meet the person I am…………………but these eyes were now looking through me piercing me deep to get into my soul and I feel touched……….blessed…………but then how can I allow him to do so………..he can’t read me he can’t know me its prohibited I can’t let this happen………….It will break my family’s heart I can’t……….but at least I can live in the moment while it still is here for me.
“Hey it’s raining!”

“I know it always rains here in Bengal” Arghya looked a bit disappointed as in my excitement I had withdrawn my hand from his soft grip.

“But it doesn’t so often from where I come from…………… are you coming out or not!”
“No ways………….”

“Ok as you wish…..your loss not mine”

Guess he was about to say something but then I couldn’t wait after all I was all of fifteen and loved rains I stumbled down the stairs and ran barefoot to the orchard straight to the pond and then cautiously climbed down the steps making sure that I don’t fall as I don’t know how to swim. I felt water touching my feet and slowly waded in the water, it was soothing and the rain came out to be more incessant. The water was waist deep and I spread my hands wide and my head facing the sky so that I can feel the raindrops caressing me...................

I was there for maybe five minutes or so with my eyes closed suddenly I felt a hand gripping my waist and whispering softly in my ears “You don’t know how to swim………..if you fall you will die and I don’t want that turn around and hold my hand I will love to take you to the far end if you have faith in me to allow me to be the master of your life for a few moment”

I turn around and see Arghya holding me with concern and seduction mingled in his eyes………..a lethal mix and I put my hands into his only to be pulled in closer and start walking……..blankly, completely surrendering my every iota of existence to him in that moment I stare at his wet brown toned body and soak in the spiritual fire of my first mental orgasm, his eyes look satisfied as for the first time they can see through my soul as I become translucent only to mingle my existence into his…………knowing all the while that my journey to nowhere starts from here…………knowing all the while it’s the beginning of the death of my innocence…………..


“God! This winter seems to be never ending” I can’t make out what Shahin is saying

“Its spring”

“Devu are you all right, Oh no! don’t go to your Blank phase, look around you it was foggy all day and it was a bit clear just for an hour”

“Oh! I see, Tomorrow I have to go to my parent’s place”

“But you went a few days back, your seminar is day after tomorrow!” Shahin was clearly irritated and couldn't gauge the reason of my frequent visits……….

This time I don’t answer her I quietly pack all that I have, in my bag and stare blankly at everything…………No, I am not going to my parent’s home………….I am going to nowhere..... to the doom......to the revival..........to avenge me...........to take a revenge on myself...........my innocence did cost a lot to me............

To be continued...................




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